Tag Archives: wisdom

10 Poems in 20 Minutes (3-19)

4:03 p.m.

I prided myself today.
On me.
On the fact that, as of now,
I haven’t killed myself yet.
I survived me.
I’ve survived me for years,
I’ll be ok, I’ll keep being ok,
Ok here in my head,
With just me,
If I’ve lasted this long.

We’re going to have to crate her.
The red fawn beautiful runner,
Beautiful dog, who they rescued
With pride-filled rescuing hearts.
She can’t keep doing this much damage.
Or at least we’re going to have to lock her in the room.
We can’t give her back, you know, it’s not like you can give a child back,
They’re not a bad cup of soup.
So we’re going to trade her old box for a new, shiny new, cage.
That way she’ll fit in here.
She’ll fit in with her beautiful hair.

She speaks now with a lisp
From her fake tooth
To stop the infection that was under the gum,
That she was convinced was killing her.
She has to talk on the phone with that voice.
I have a laughing pity.
My favorite kind of emotion,
For the woman I’m not sure I grudgingly hate.

Woman of wisdom, believer in spirits.
She tells me she thinks the human auras parted the red sea,
After she briefs me on her latest case brought to trial.
She’s the mother who always had to do it the hard way.
Wouldn’t let her kids define her, control her, or let herself resent them.
So she put her first, for better and worse,
She lives with the guilt, of missing what she missed of me.

I’ve planned what I’ll say when he dies.
Not because I can’t wait for him to die, but because sometimes I use him,
To find a way to cry.
And he always loved a good speech.

Tell me I’m pretty.
That’s all I need to hear today.
Don’t say: you’re gorgeous,
My girl, my honey, mine.
Don’t tell me what you love me more than;
Tell me how your feelings look today.

You’re in such a beautiful box.
I know what you’re going to say next,
I know for sure how this story I’ve heard before will end.
You’ve told me before.
I’ve heard already,
And I have safe love for what will happen later.

I met her for coffee.
Just outside this great little place she found.
I took her as she was,
As I saw her,
As she showed herself to me.
I remembered I’m good with people,
If I try, I’m so very good,
It’s a switch I flip,
I know.
To be charming, and lovely, and not quite me, in the light.
But that one has good friends, and people who love her,
And she cares to try.

Good people.
Good as in solid, strong, and right.
Righteous goodness.
They have solid bones, and solid minds,
And like good people, they keep their twists to themselves.

I don’t want to let this grudge go.
I want to keep it,
And feed it spitfires, so it keeps burning, to keep me angry.
Because when I’m angry I can’t be mad at myself.
It’s lovely there, with righteous anger. It’s so great.
And I can think of all these reasons to hate, all these reasons they’re wrong,
These reasons I won’t share. That make me feel better.
And what am I going to do without my martyred, middle child self?
What will be left of me?
Happiness for fools. Give me my sinners cynicism and dark giggles.
I’ll know where I stand, and I’ll know where my lines are,
And I’ll understand where they come from unsympathetic, unloving, happy.

10 Poems in 20 Minutes (Day Sixty-Six)

Friday, a lovely day to write some poetry, except the sky keeps yelling at me, rumble grumble.

I Wrote 10 Poems in 20 Minutes
Day 66

Poem 1:
The sun hides.
He must be embarrassed.
He hasn’t been able to stop the rain.
The cold rain.
I’d hide too,
If I were you,
And everyone else was getting rained on.

Poem 2:
Mom left to go do what church people do
But I couldn’t leave Grandma in the pew alone
She came down here to be near Mom for the losing of her mind
So I sat next to the woman
Dignified, scared for not knowing where she was
I couldn’t be the one to leave her alone with the yellow
Sanctuary, we sat quietly, talked politely
While she tried to remember which sister I was.
But, it took her longer to lose her, self
A great observer of people, cutting, knowing, quick
She would be the only one to ask,
“How are you?” and mean it when I came home from school.
And I understood her.
So I sat with her while she tried to remember
In the yellow wooden pews,
Everyone else had other things to do.

Poem 3:
An old person gave me some wisdom
One of those
You’re only great if, speeches
I didn’t understand it then
Shirked it off.
But now I do, after I lived through
And oh how it rings true
After it’s usefulness.
I’ll pass this one on with all my wisdomness

Poem 4:
I’m made of open fields.
If you can’t love the space,
You won’t ever love this.
I’m formed from quiet moments with wind and birds and trees.
If you won’t see beauty there,
You won’t ever love this.
I’m from books stacked in piles, dusty, loved, and cherished.
If you don’t see that,
You can never love this.
And I’m made from trusting what I think before anything else,
Because that’s what’s gotten me though.
If you won’t understand,
You will never love me.

Poem 5:
I thought the Post Office man gave me some kindness
But the next time I shipped something
He said the same thing he’d said before.
I was just the same, one of the line.
He became a little less funny.

Poem 6:
He’s getting old enough
So I start remembering my age
And thoughts
When my number was his.
Relatable only to me.

Poem 7:
You want the best for those you love.
Glory and honor and money.
See them do well, to you know,
Maybe do well by proxy.
But she married below her, in a way,
And you’re sad for the potential love
She could have given to something more.
I’ll hold that possible love with mine.
And we’ll rename it hope, so it won’t spoil.

Poem 8:
I baked the cookies for me
I wanted cookies.
I made cookies.
They exist because I wanted them.
Just for me, they were made.
I worked only for me.

Poem 9:
Old guy in the diner sat across and diagonal
From us.
I watched him,
Throwing all these stories over him,
An air marshal off duty, who really loves fries,
And a man who just lost his wife and orders her favorite,
A lonely passerby who’s come to watch the young couples.
Then I left him to his privacy, won’t watch while he eats.
Alone is hard enough.

Poem 10:
She said, I can’t read anything on your face
After she told me that all my expressions were mean
I shifted so she couldn’t read anything
Got chastised for that too.