Tag Archives: summer

Ten Poems for Summer

i don’t know what to make of it either

1:
Safe. I told you.
After you said that you have trouble to talking to pretty girls.
I said you wouldn’t have that problem with me.
You said, “don’t you remember the first couples sentences I said to you?”
I said I just remember you were safe.

2:
I found myself uncaring about promises,
That had meant so much, so much.
When I was alone, wanting that stability, to know I had a place and a title, with a boy.
I found someone I liked.
Do you know how hard it is to find someone I like?
Who automatically understood,
I didn’t have to explain things to,
Didn’t have to burden them with the knowledge of all my trauma,
They got it.
I’ve never liked someone else while I was with someone else before.
This is a new one on me.
Decisions to make, I guess, assuming fate stays on my side.
Chance it for nothing? Or stay with the angry one?

3:
What am I doing,
Calling this late at night,
For talk through the phone I would never say if I weren’t sleepy,
Playing with the edges of the knife.
Please just help me feel.

4:
My professor uses jumps scares to test your biometric response.
He says “Boo” really loudly.
They don’t think about PTSD responses to these sorts of things,
Or these fireworks going off tonight.
I get teased for jumping if I’m deep in thought.
Or pushy relatives who want a hug, when I don’t like to be touched.
The loud clapping to call your dog.
I’m constantly vigilant for what will set me off,
One more filter to add to the pile.

5:
What will it be like to be with you?
Are you a kind lover?
Am I making a mistake?
Will we instead have no química?
Will you not like to kiss, or think I should shave more than I do?
Will that one spot on your neck taste like what I think it will?
Will my thighs turn out to be too big?
Will your dog stare too much?
Will your meds let it go through?
What if you’re the perfect height?
What if your hair curls exactly the way I want it to?
What if you look at me like that forever?
What if I hurt you?
What if I snap and yell?
I have to get myself sorted first.
I should have gotten myself sorted out first,
Before I sent those texts.
Am I really thinking about leaving him?
For a chance?
A chance at touch?

6:
What will it be like to see you again?
Will your mouth attack me again?
Will I be put up in one of your houses?
Will you drive me up north to see my friends?
Will you let Grace eat pizza on your couch?
Will I be able to sleep again?
Or will I walk your paver stones in the backyard until I can rest?
Where will I talk too loud?
Who will I love?
Do you even remember how I feel to touch?
Will you call me fat again, well not fat exactly,
Tell me again how I’m not your type, meaning chubby?
Or un-makeuped?
Will you just be drunk again?
And order food all the time?
Fight with me again that women shouldn’t be believed straight off.
Tell me I’m not worth your time with deed and action.
What if what I will makes it true.
What if all I do is cook for you?
What then, is a month too long?
What if the summer isn’t enough?
Will you let me drive?

7:
I can’t get it out of my head.
You said you’d think about me every day.
You knew how powerful that was, I hope?
I hope I’m nice in your memory,
Or your new created fantasies.

8:
There’s a check I can’t cash from my father
For money for a hotel room to escape the heat bubble
Because we don’t have air conditioning in this part of the world.
I can’t cash it.
It’s too much.
I didn’t buy the air conditioner either.
Too scary.

9:
I can’t brush my teeth today.
I couldn’t water my plants yesterday.
You can’t see the floor of my room this evening.
I can’t eat properly anymore.
I want to be a magical pretty number that means I’m healthy.
I have a pile of work I haven’t started.
A boy I haven’t called,
Money I haven’t organized.
And love I haven’t spent.

10:
Say you’ll like me until August?
Please just put a pin it in for me?
I can’t ask,
But it’s all I want to do.
Love me just a little,
Little enough to wait.

In the National Forest at Dusk

photo of a beach in southeat alaska at dusk in the late summer

i’d like to take this moment to remind you of the fact that the only editing i do to my photos is to straighten the horizon line. if you wanted to see unstraightened versions, or larger versions of any images, drop me a line. also, behold the beauty of tongass national forest.

Looking out at the inside passage in alaska from the dock

i like to imagine the island are the heads of giants who are experimenting with punk hairstyles in pine.

Little Purple Flowers

Editor’s Note: I’m offering these cute little flowers as an apology for a lack of posting new material in keeping with my schedule. I’ll be double posting this Monday to Wednesday. So if you get emails when I publish, expect more than usual this week from me.

photos of small blooming purple flowers on a cliffside in southeast alaska in june

very cute

DSC_3573*

i went on a little hike with a friend who has bouncy curly blond hair

Two Trees and a Bridge

Photo of a Path in the Woods

it looks like fairies are about to pop out of the green. i’ve read too many fantasy novels.

Wooden Bridge in the Woods

eh, now that i’m seeing this here, i’m not i really like this photo

Photo Looking Up at Trees in Summer

wow, original, a tree canopy, never seen that before. we’re getting massive amounts of rain this summer, we’re like ireland green. it’s nice, i guess, except for all the mosquitoes. those deserve nothing less than the pits of hell. 

June in Louisville

Semi Truck Carrying Amusement Park Rides

passed a semi on the highway carrying pieces of amusement park rides. i was not the one driving the car. i did roll down my window though.

By the Troll Bar and 2nd Street in Louisville

linear and atmospheric perspective. and here i thought i forgot all the fancy words i knew after college.

Main Street in Louisville

i’m now officially accepting applications for car company ads.