Tag Archives: quick poems

Poems from My Day (10-27)

It’s late October. It’s rainy. I hate the fall.

I drove home from my brother’s birthday party in the rain tonight.
I decided to talk to myself while I drove,
Instead of listening to the white-green light of the radio.
I told myself what I think it means to be from my home.
It felt good to have someone listen.

I purchased a quilt from a woman on Etsy.
In the listing she mentioned that if there were no takers,
She was keeping it for herself.
It compelled me to buy it.
It makes it seem like I’m getting something I shouldn’t have.
A bit dirty, but satisfied.

I made the Jimmy John’s delivery guy laugh.
I got the guy ringing up my candy to smile.
If I met someone on equal ground,
Maybe I’d be strong enough to make them laugh too,
But I pass myself by them cheerily enough,
So they’ll be introduced and not remember me.

The man who lived in here before me,
Loved my roommate.
Maybe it’s good I’m taking his space,
Giving new customs, idiosyncrasies to the way cast iron skillets sit on the shelves.
But, to me, it feels like I still haven’t found a place to cry in peace.

I had my favorite realization again.
I love when it comes along.
It reminds me that my women have steel underneath them.
I thought,
He could leave me, ghost me,
And I’d be fine. I’ll always be fine with or without a man.
Ice cold steel, baby, ain’t nothing like it.
And it’s the fault of my step-father for never seeing it run through his wife.
Stronger, fiercer, and meaner than you’ll ever know,
We’re out waiting you to die.
Then we’ll be just fine.

10 Poems in 20 Minutes (3-19)

4:03 p.m.

I prided myself today.
On me.
On the fact that, as of now,
I haven’t killed myself yet.
I survived me.
I’ve survived me for years,
I’ll be ok, I’ll keep being ok,
Ok here in my head,
With just me,
If I’ve lasted this long.

We’re going to have to crate her.
The red fawn beautiful runner,
Beautiful dog, who they rescued
With pride-filled rescuing hearts.
She can’t keep doing this much damage.
Or at least we’re going to have to lock her in the room.
We can’t give her back, you know, it’s not like you can give a child back,
They’re not a bad cup of soup.
So we’re going to trade her old box for a new, shiny new, cage.
That way she’ll fit in here.
She’ll fit in with her beautiful hair.

She speaks now with a lisp
From her fake tooth
To stop the infection that was under the gum,
That she was convinced was killing her.
She has to talk on the phone with that voice.
I have a laughing pity.
My favorite kind of emotion,
For the woman I’m not sure I grudgingly hate.

Woman of wisdom, believer in spirits.
She tells me she thinks the human auras parted the red sea,
After she briefs me on her latest case brought to trial.
She’s the mother who always had to do it the hard way.
Wouldn’t let her kids define her, control her, or let herself resent them.
So she put her first, for better and worse,
She lives with the guilt, of missing what she missed of me.

I’ve planned what I’ll say when he dies.
Not because I can’t wait for him to die, but because sometimes I use him,
To find a way to cry.
And he always loved a good speech.

Tell me I’m pretty.
That’s all I need to hear today.
Don’t say: you’re gorgeous,
My girl, my honey, mine.
Don’t tell me what you love me more than;
Tell me how your feelings look today.

You’re in such a beautiful box.
I know what you’re going to say next,
I know for sure how this story I’ve heard before will end.
You’ve told me before.
I’ve heard already,
And I have safe love for what will happen later.

I met her for coffee.
Just outside this great little place she found.
I took her as she was,
As I saw her,
As she showed herself to me.
I remembered I’m good with people,
If I try, I’m so very good,
It’s a switch I flip,
I know.
To be charming, and lovely, and not quite me, in the light.
But that one has good friends, and people who love her,
And she cares to try.

Good people.
Good as in solid, strong, and right.
Righteous goodness.
They have solid bones, and solid minds,
And like good people, they keep their twists to themselves.

I don’t want to let this grudge go.
I want to keep it,
And feed it spitfires, so it keeps burning, to keep me angry.
Because when I’m angry I can’t be mad at myself.
It’s lovely there, with righteous anger. It’s so great.
And I can think of all these reasons to hate, all these reasons they’re wrong,
These reasons I won’t share. That make me feel better.
And what am I going to do without my martyred, middle child self?
What will be left of me?
Happiness for fools. Give me my sinners cynicism and dark giggles.
I’ll know where I stand, and I’ll know where my lines are,
And I’ll understand where they come from unsympathetic, unloving, happy.

10 Poems in 20 Minutes (Day Thirty-Two)

I wrote lots a poems, poemy, poem, poems.

I Wrote 10 Poems in 20 Minutes
Day 32

Poem 1:
They sent me this piece of paper in the mail
I can add to the rest
Now I go live my life
Go back to what was four years before
There’s just not much here

Poem 2:
I want to blame everyone else
Why didn’t they tell me what to do?
Why didn’t someone give me a profession?
Why won’t someone take me under a wing?
Why can’t I do anything?
Jobless with a brain
Don’t tell anyone

Poem 3:
There’s a job I should get
Out there
To make money
But I haven’t done anything
So I’m scared to fill out
So I don’t
Then I don’t do anything
So I have nothing to put down
Then I feel guilty for having nothing
Makes me think not good enough
So I don’t have it
To apply to start

Poem 4:
Do I have to work
No one seems happy
But, then again, no one’s happy anywhere
I want to move to Montana and sit on a porch

Poem 5:
And I’m all spoiled
From all my pamper
I can just sit here
And I am just sitting
So useless
But useless anyway

Poem 6:
Maybe by not doing anything I’m equaling it all out
I’m not out and about wrecking and havoc
So I don’t contribute, but I don’t take away

Poem 7:
He seems so happy to tell me
How I respond and back away
I can’t remember anymore why I hate him
Just that he’s there
And it’s been there a while
Then he yells at my brother
It all comes back

Poem 8:
I heard that hymnal song
From some band they played in the basement
Memory vodka hazy from the party with free pizza cups
Music brought it back
How the drink sweated against me
Make the music take it again

Poem 9:
I just eat and cry now
And make fun of myself in my head

Poem 10:
I scrape the finger pads down my thigh
In the beige shorts with blue paint stains
Watch how my skin depresses around
What could I do to make it all go away

10 Poems in 20 Minutes (Day Twenty-Eight)

Here I am twenty-eight days later no closer to solving my problems, but still writing sillies.

10 Poems in 20 Minutes
Day 28

Poem 1:
It’s coming back I think
That’s what really scares
Because I went through it before
I don’t want it back
What keeps you from getting awake

Poem 2:
Last night it rained
Shook the house
The whole house
I put my hand on the wall to feel the shudders
I smiled and curled in the corner

Poem 3:
I want to say oh god I need a drink
But the thought stays where it is
All my bottles stand half empty in a cupboard
Drunk from some boy from some party
Because I’m scared if I listen this once
I won’t have a choice next time

Poem 4:
Sex ed taught in a Christian school
Our Bible teacher asked who’d started
Miss fishface with golden hair
Everybody raised their hands
Not me and Caitlin
They drew attention to us
These outcasts, for our bodies not working right yet
Next year, when her hand went up my hand did too
I screamed at my body what’s wrong with you

Poem 5:
I’m just putting off the conversation
To have with myself
It says
Here’s what you need to do
I just keep drifting without leaving the house

Poem 6:
He sent me a letter with the money
Look at all the strings
He told me in form all the wrongs and rights ahead
He got the right name and not my sisters
He wrote with pastor voice
Saying you must and why aren’t you
I twindled it up and set it on fire in my kitchen sink
No confrontation just ignorance

Poem 7:
I ate honeyed cheerios with a black plastic spork
The dying dog howeled early and woke me
Sleep evaded
So I balmed myself with grains and oats
Soothed with food
Because that’ll do

Poem 8:
He told our mother he’d buy us new dresses
2nd hand, off hand
I wore it, stained with brown spots on the curled up white thick lace collar
They all told us how pretty we looked
I learned, good people lie

Poem 9:
She dismissed me out of hand from her presence
Because he was from West Virginia
Saying go make your own friends
How do I do that
No one told me
Why can’t I stay with you safe
She laughed down at me
Turned my shoulders
And sent me down

Poem 10:
Car drives one hour and fifteen minutes
One house to the other
NPR rattled
I stared out the windows
She read in the back
Or talked to dad about
Oh you wouldn’t understand yet

10 Poems in 20 Minutes (Day Twenty-Seven)

Here stands day twenty seven. Well, here sits. More like, here pixelated. Well, here, anyway.

10 Poems in 20 Minutes
Day 27

Poem 1:
She said it’s sad and lonesome to eat alone
With effervescent condescension
She sat down to eat with me
My small meal
And she talked
I swallowed staring at the oak on the table

Poem 2:
Room full of little Hispanic kids who come from the neighborhood around the area
Here we are in this steepled worship place to teach what we learned
Betty touts around the little convert they made
Who tells all god
Look who we’ve saved, from this wretched surroundings, who we’ve
Brought into the light
Look at how good he’ll be
I know, because I tutor him
That he still can’t add double column numbers
Pray on the weak

Poem 3:
My name seems never spoken by these people
They each call me something different
All nicer than what I call myself
I tell people I’m introduced to my name
They forget, unsaid
I tell those who’ll remember
No one uses my name, all something different
Friends call me, family says, boyfriend tells, mispronounced
It’d be nice to have one I liked

Poem 4:
You puny silly humans
Look what I can do
I can make your trees bend sideways
I flood your houses
I pail your heads
I am god
The god we defeated with plastic

Poem 5:
Dead people in photos still look happy
Light reflected on them for just a flash
The paper saved it, till it announced they’re gone
But I can’t grasp the light around them anymore
I can’t grasp around a grave

Poem 6:
She said, let’s be happy, think happy thoughts
You’re not strong enough to bear untidings
She said, happy happy happy
I don’t want to be sad
There’s nothing wrong with darkness I want to say
Be she smiles thin
And says we’ll make happy memories
Happy memories will erase all the bad, and only leave good
Just like grandma who refused to remember all that went wrong
Saying, oh yeah, instead
You miss out on the joy when you’re all too teeth

Poem 7:
He struts around full of anger
Screaming on accident in the night when the c-pap machine
Disguised himself an enemy
They’re all wrong and out to get me
Ugh, why don’t they see

Poem 8:
Toast I gave to the white dress
Spilled champagne on my fingers
So nervous I guess
She took those emotions as if they were right to give
Beamed at me for speaking sentimental
I’ll never do that again
Never give what I don’t need back

Poem 9:
But why don’t you want to learn
It’s all you have to do now
Just learn and eat
How wonderful
Not to him
His makeup of a good person doesn’t include knowledge
So he battles around and scuffs and drags ignoring what he could take and never be taken

Poem 10:
Let’s look at their bodies because we can
Like we scrolled too far on the one picture they meant to show us
The look at little like me
Like that
Exposed from exposure and flesh flash

10 Poems in 20 Minutes (Day Twenty-Six)

Twenty-six days, That’s double thirteen, perhaps today is unlucky. Perhaps I’ve gone mad.

10 Poems in 20 Minutes
Day 26

Poem 1:
I sat at the wobbly dining room table
For learning this small blue handbook of catechism
He asked me questions I’d often asked myself without answer
Then he waited for a response
What do you think this line here means
How does this fit with this
I had answers
But in my father’s presence
Thought they were wrong
I played dumb
Hid my face
Said I don’t know, and waited for it to be over

Poem 2:
He said you’re weird
I whispered you’re dismissive
I wanted to say, never call a person weird
For then you’ve shut out their point of seeing
And called how they view wrong by association
You wire them to think like you that way, horizon bound

Poem 3:
If, instead of hiding the pain of what just happened
We shouted it to every passer bystander
Today, someone told me I was hopeless
This morning, I got turned down for a job
Last night, I couldn’t think of a reason to live
I don’t think they’d care anymore than they do
Only so much room in a circle

Poem 4:
I had forgotten my manners
My filters for speaking to people I don’t know
Someone, so footballer who looked like he didn’t take off the pads
Asked me if I was doin’ good
Without thinking
I must have been tired
I said, to my shame, stuntedless,
Do you mean good in the metaphysical sense, or if I am healthy, or if I need help with what I’m doing right now?
He just looked at me
And said I like metaphysical

Poem 5:
She did not tell for impulse of shame
That she was barely hanging on
If she had said
I might have said
Grab my tree
Together we’ll swing

Poem 6:
Easter egg hunt inside the fellowship room where all the neighborhood in decline kids came
She set out little figures to color and decorate for those little ones, you know
She said out loud, in front of the mostly brown, that she was running out of the little white ones
She thought most of them would choose the color they were
She said that probably says something about the country
I went to find another packet of the little white people Christians

Poem 7:
He said I tell people they’re nice
Then they act nicer
I asked if that made them nicer or just acting like it
He said it makes them nicer

Poem 8:
Granma doesn’t know she’s lost it
People in their 80s you know, sometimes forget things
Where’s your Grandpa?
We won’t tell her he died again
It’s comforting to know that by then, I’ll have forgotten my brain is dead

Poem 9:
Geese quack
Back track
Wait I didn’t mean to say that
Chickens cluck
And slip up
Oops didn’t mean to say that

Poem 10:
I’d like to be somebody one day
Not today
I didn’t do my hair today
Make me important tomorrow
I want my face everywhere
Confirm I exist

10 Poems in 20 Minutes (Day Twenty-Three)

Daily quickly, written poems. Coming at cha twenty-three days in and counting.

10 Poems in 20 Minutes
Day 23

Poem 1:
My Dad told me the time
With a proud grin, sly
He once had me help bake a cake
By sitting on my Grandmother’s floor
Stirring batter as a toddler
He recalled with glee
How uncomfortable she looked

Poem 2:
I notice bravado
Thinking how
I could never show that much confidence to the skies
What if I was wrong

Poem 3:
One at a time or in clumps they all left
Give me a look that says
I’m probably not going to invite you anywhere
They don’t even think much about it I bet
But I do
Because they’ve all ignored me
Do I seem mad or something?
It must be something I’ve done that I didn’t know I did
Or me
It’s probably me

Poem 4:
I received an email transaction
Take my message and in return give me your words
He asked, are you depressed
I give him an unopened letter box
What to say to that brazen display of forced caring

Poem 5:
I’m going to die in the middle of this state
Never to have left it
Less than fifty miles from my growing up
Done nothing
Loved nothing
Hardly mattered
Why do I need to change?
Change my effect
Alter my conditions
Make a mark
Am I scared that they’ll forget me?
To go away?
Be nothing?
Maybe nothing’s better
I could get away with a lot more for nothing

Poem 6:
She told me
If you want to take an alternate course
You have to work really hard to make it work
I told her in my mind
I don’t have the strength

Poem 7:
I said to him I don’t want to get married
He said, oh darn
He said that’ll make some guy sad someday
No it won’t
If he loves me he’ll understand
He said I don’t know if I could understand

Poem 8:
My brain all by it’s lonesome walks down this narrow path all by itself
And look at all the options it finds
All those plans and paths of dirt and dust have so many trailings
Leading to ruin and something wrong
So instead I make a nice seat here at the fork
And eat for a while
Till something strikes my fancy
She calls me to do
At that point I’ll have to get up or get out or get kicked out
But for now, I cry in a ball with chocolate, here at my fork

Poem 9:
I’m not particularly fond
Of found out

Poem 10:
My foot fell asleep so I couldn’t drag it away fast enough
To avoid the chitter of the home early
Now I’ve got updates an inane and banal
Great, I’m so informed