Tag Archives: people

Poems from My Day (2-21-17)

hello again. it’s been a bad couple of weeks

I apologize too much.
She told me, quit saying, “I’m sorry.”
I don’t have a problem with my apologizing.
Leave me the hell alone.
What have self-confidence-less people ever done,
But hurt themselves.
It seems to me, the people sure of themselves are the ones
Who never think they need to listen and learn.

I fall under something called the Hatch Act.
It means while I’m seen as doing my job,
I can’t say anything political.
In all honesty, it’s a little bit of a relief,
To have an excuse,
When someone asks about my politics,
But, at the same time,
I want to civilly disobey that, and speak my mind, because I was told not to.

Oh god so much has happened.
I can’t bring myself to write about it.
My support systems collapsed.
And I needed people,
I felt like I was being emotionally manipulative,
But I couldn’t spare the mentally energy to check my filters,
See if they were clearing the air before I spoke it.
And I felt abandoned.

I had a day when I felt vulnerable.
A half-hearted breeze could have whipped me.
On those days, I want to hide,
But then the day is over,
The feeling isn’t,
And I have to go into work like normal.

I needed to talk to my mother yesterday,
She called me today.
She told me how to live my life,
Her prophecies for the future,
And, really, what she knows to be true.
Then she told me her “stories”
I was so mad from the first section,
I didn’t bother with the minor sexism, and that little bit of racism that came
with her helping the poor, new african family from church.

My step-father is thirty thousand in debt.
That’s more than I make in two years.
I try so hard to only spend thirty dollars a week on groceries,
I don’t get to buy ice cream. I only buy half a gallon of milk.
It’s not fair.
That’s all I want to say.

She asked me if I thought game night last night would be more fun with men.
I said I was the wrong person to ask,
I don’t really like people.
She can’t process that other people work differently than she does.
I’m not sure why she’s a teacher,
If she doesn’t have the patience to understand,
That her normal isn’t my normal.
I learned that the first week of college,
After living with a woman who folded her dirty clothes.

I got searched and rescued.
Her dad came to pick us up in his truck.
And they called it in so they could get mileage reimbursement.

I was the slowest when we were walking
Walking the miles to get cell phone service,
And they called me a little bitch for it.
I can only offer excuses.
I suppose I am, then.
I can show you my bloody, snowy socks.
I can’t make you feel my nausea that whole night,
Or the pressure of my sinuses with my cold medicine,
Or the three-day long insomnia battle that scrambled my brain.
My hips that ached because I didn’t wear my inserts.
I am, in most cases, an introvert,
I need planning time before I can be okay in a crisis.
And I was useless when we got stranded, because it had never happened before.
I can only apologize for not being better.
But god it hurts when they mock a weakness,
It’s why I’m quiet in the first place.
Maybe they would’ve handled my body better,
But there’s no way to tell.

A Bit Dressed

drawing of a woman in a dress

i wanted to title this “dress distressed,” but i thought that was a little too alliterative, so instead i’ve explained it down here in the italicized text. that’s a hairtie on her arm in case you were wondering, which you weren’t but now i’ve made you look again

Not Looking Directly at You

drawing of a guy's forehead

i spent so long on his eyes, i totally chipped out on the rest of him, sorry forehead dude

10 Poems in 20 Minutes (Day Forty-Six)

Why hello there. I wrote some poems for you. I did. I even wrote more than one of them.

I Wrote 10 Poems in 20 Minutes
Day 46

Poem 1:
I woke up today
From a good dream,
I thought. I felt happy.
But my jaw aches,
I’ve clenched it for hours,
All through my good dreams.

Poem 2:
I can paint on clay before
Designs show through after
I can paint you now
Before you’re made
And leave you branded
For later
For after you go past fire

Poem 3:
My friend, this friend
A big hulking black cape friend
Settles right here, there
Right next to me
No greetings or hellos
Just presence
Substance with no light coming through
Hello again depression man
It’s so nice to see a friend

Poem 4:
Give me a thousand lifetimes
I can make you perfect

Poem 5:
We sat in a deli behind
In front of, to our perspective
A man, wild Einstein hair
With architecture building drawings
Next to his empty chip basket
In a corner with tucked away maroon short curtains
He listened to us chat
Overheard our lives
Knew all about me by the time the tea was gone
He heard strangers and lives
Next to his paper plans of restaurants

Poem 6:
She sent me a text
Months went by without contact
To say meet us here, at this place
I became the 6th
Even number, booth filler, spare driver
But they didn’t text again
Tell me what I did wrong
Or how I pissed you off
I want friends
Who like me

Poem 7:
Turned twenty-one
On a Saturday
I’d said it was no big deal
No fuss over me please
But she’d flown herself down
To fluff all over
And stayed in my, oh is this it, apartment
She said, hey, some friends of mine are in town
Mind if they come to your party
I was always nice to her people
So they came to my little bit
And they were loud
I collect introverts around me
She collects good hearted oddballs
So we were silenced by these table banging
Older friends of hers
She didn’t try and meet my people
These great people
Who looked just as stricken as I
That she became center on my birthday

Poem 8:
The heat hasn’t popped back up to the eighties
Stayed pretty much in a strange early fall place
But it’s always cold by Halloween
Every year it’s the same
And every time I think how novel
To watch it all change again

Poem 9:
Stop being nice to me
Kindness temporary
I can flip you one way or the other
Raging fury
And a smile
I don’t want emotions I can manufacture

Poem 10:
I’m a failure
Cycles in my head
The same insults seem to always be spinning
Sound so harsh on paper
What do they mean
To anyone outside my head
Who doesn’t see/feel
All that ties them to me

Go Ahead, I’ll Wait

drawing of a woman smiling with her head tilted back

yea, messed up the shading over her left eye, tried to fix it, then thought, eh, she looks a bit loonier this way