Tag Archives: i wrote

The Poem I Wrote Today

He said this to me.
It’s your fault I went back to smoking.
He did not say this to me once.
Accused a 12 year old girl,
Who still thought it was wrong she bled,
I made him hurt himself,
I believed.
He must have been so desperate to control,
I must have started to see him.

10 Poems in 20 Minutes (Day Thirty-Two)

I wrote lots a poems, poemy, poem, poems.

I Wrote 10 Poems in 20 Minutes
Day 32

Poem 1:
They sent me this piece of paper in the mail
I can add to the rest
Now I go live my life
Go back to what was four years before
There’s just not much here

Poem 2:
I want to blame everyone else
Why didn’t they tell me what to do?
Why didn’t someone give me a profession?
Why won’t someone take me under a wing?
Why can’t I do anything?
Jobless with a brain
Don’t tell anyone

Poem 3:
There’s a job I should get
Out there
To make money
But I haven’t done anything
So I’m scared to fill out
So I don’t
Then I don’t do anything
So I have nothing to put down
Then I feel guilty for having nothing
Makes me think not good enough
So I don’t have it
To apply to start

Poem 4:
Do I have to work
No one seems happy
But, then again, no one’s happy anywhere
I want to move to Montana and sit on a porch

Poem 5:
And I’m all spoiled
From all my pamper
I can just sit here
And I am just sitting
So useless
But useless anyway

Poem 6:
Maybe by not doing anything I’m equaling it all out
I’m not out and about wrecking and havoc
So I don’t contribute, but I don’t take away

Poem 7:
He seems so happy to tell me
How I respond and back away
I can’t remember anymore why I hate him
Just that he’s there
And it’s been there a while
Then he yells at my brother
It all comes back

Poem 8:
I heard that hymnal song
From some band they played in the basement
Memory vodka hazy from the party with free pizza cups
Music brought it back
How the drink sweated against me
Make the music take it again

Poem 9:
I just eat and cry now
And make fun of myself in my head

Poem 10:
I scrape the finger pads down my thigh
In the beige shorts with blue paint stains
Watch how my skin depresses around
What could I do to make it all go away

10 Poems in 20 Minutes (Day Thirty-One)

I think anyone who reads my poems is pretty. Which, de facto means I’m pretty, which I was totally going for.

10 Poems in 20 Minutes
Day 31

Poem 1:
Six of us traveled up to the holler, mission trip
We couldn’t mission near us
We worked to stock the food bank, we did
This great big warehouse with shelves to the sky
They got a new shipment
Had us categorize and sort
It was green peppers from prisoners
They grew peppers
I just wanted to wash my hands
I thought one of them hid drugs or shivs in the plants
I convinced myself their evil would touch me
On what they grew
But if the ground grew for them, I guess
They’re probably ok

Poem 2:
She said you’re more animated when he’s not around.
Otherwise I’m a still life.
Which causes less drama.

Poem 3:
I can’t believe I did this
I, I wrote you
No I can’t even say it
I wrote you a love song
It rhymes and everything
I plucked out the piano keys
Recorded it for you
And rhymed love with thought of
Worst thing ever

Poem 4:
I drugged myself today with lack of sleep
Brain doesn’t work as well
It gives me permission to be silly
Without analysis
I smile

Poem 5:
Needed to use my body to move
I wore shoes without good treads but
I walked up this hill with tree roots and trail marks
Stood on the top of the king of the mountain
Saying I am the best in the world

Poem 6:
Heat on my skin from the outside
Been in the air, conditioned too long
I’ll miss this heat when green begets orange
But for now it’s just a place to avoid

Poem 7:
They won’t kill her yet
This dog, my dying dog
My brother he can’t bear to part
But she can’t hardly stand
He can’t hardly stand
So we’ll let her suffer for him

Poem 8:
How am I going to remember this summer?
What will be the memory I go back to
Or will it fall in line with the others
All blurred into general worry

Poem 9:
I won’t brush my hair
I will not make myself beautiful for you
That piece of hair is gonna stay there
I’ll muss it around without care
I don’t preen to be seen
My hair doesn’t care

Poem 10:
Well I saw Randy with another girl
Boy I always thought liked me
He looks better than
I wanted him to be
Made just for me forever

10 Poems in 20 Minutes (Day Twenty-Six)

Twenty-six days, That’s double thirteen, perhaps today is unlucky. Perhaps I’ve gone mad.

10 Poems in 20 Minutes
Day 26

Poem 1:
I sat at the wobbly dining room table
For learning this small blue handbook of catechism
He asked me questions I’d often asked myself without answer
Then he waited for a response
What do you think this line here means
How does this fit with this
I had answers
But in my father’s presence
Thought they were wrong
I played dumb
Hid my face
Said I don’t know, and waited for it to be over

Poem 2:
He said you’re weird
I whispered you’re dismissive
I wanted to say, never call a person weird
For then you’ve shut out their point of seeing
And called how they view wrong by association
You wire them to think like you that way, horizon bound

Poem 3:
If, instead of hiding the pain of what just happened
We shouted it to every passer bystander
Today, someone told me I was hopeless
This morning, I got turned down for a job
Last night, I couldn’t think of a reason to live
I don’t think they’d care anymore than they do
Only so much room in a circle

Poem 4:
I had forgotten my manners
My filters for speaking to people I don’t know
Someone, so footballer who looked like he didn’t take off the pads
Asked me if I was doin’ good
Without thinking
I must have been tired
I said, to my shame, stuntedless,
Do you mean good in the metaphysical sense, or if I am healthy, or if I need help with what I’m doing right now?
He just looked at me
And said I like metaphysical

Poem 5:
She did not tell for impulse of shame
That she was barely hanging on
If she had said
I might have said
Grab my tree
Together we’ll swing

Poem 6:
Easter egg hunt inside the fellowship room where all the neighborhood in decline kids came
She set out little figures to color and decorate for those little ones, you know
She said out loud, in front of the mostly brown, that she was running out of the little white ones
She thought most of them would choose the color they were
She said that probably says something about the country
I went to find another packet of the little white people Christians

Poem 7:
He said I tell people they’re nice
Then they act nicer
I asked if that made them nicer or just acting like it
He said it makes them nicer

Poem 8:
Granma doesn’t know she’s lost it
People in their 80s you know, sometimes forget things
Where’s your Grandpa?
We won’t tell her he died again
It’s comforting to know that by then, I’ll have forgotten my brain is dead

Poem 9:
Geese quack
Back track
Wait I didn’t mean to say that
Chickens cluck
And slip up
Oops didn’t mean to say that

Poem 10:
I’d like to be somebody one day
Not today
I didn’t do my hair today
Make me important tomorrow
I want my face everywhere
Confirm I exist

10 Poems in 20 Minutes (Day Twenty)

I have written ten poems in twenty minutes for twenty consecutive days. To celebrate this momentous occasion I decided to make all my poetry rhyme. Apologies for the oncoming onslaught of suck.

10 Poems in 20 Minutes
Day 20

Poem 1:
When and if I cannot get out of bed
I call it my home in comfort and peace
I tell myself that’s ok, stay in your head
Then tomorrow we can start a new lease
A new chance for never to cease

Poem 2:
I suppose I should write about love
As that is the customary form of this beautiful dove
Each word I select
Seems to laugh as I detect
Any sort of rhyme
Before I run out of time

Poem 3:
Talk to me, you said
Tell me a story
But there’s nothing in my brain that isn’t dead
And all my tales with just the gory
Details of what rests in this sad little mind
You’ll have to wait and be kind

Poem 4:
I shall not be worse
No the next day it will all be so much better
I will not add a curse
If anything it will all be setter

Poem 5:
She said
I have a mind that cannot be fed
For it ravages and forages and finds no peace
And nothing you can add with endure any cease
To this tumult and chaos and grease

Poem 6:
Come and sit for a minute so that I can tell you how I came to be
It was through my family
For the first we see, is the first we compare, forever, see
And I was not good enough for them three
I will never be enough good for any other sea

Poem 7:
I took a shower
And went into this sun of mine
I did not cower
But stood fool in line
And greeted my ball of fire in my dower with sublime fine aligned

Poem 8:
I seek out these people I would and could speak to
I ask them questions askance
I test their answers, looking through
I put them around this difficult dance
Seeing if their mind can have fun with two

Poem 9:
Make me a river
So I can flower where I like
I scream at the deliverer
I have nothing I don’t strike
Push me away upriver

Poem 10:
As I sit and write this verse
I wonder if perhaps
I have let too much time elapse
As it takes much longer to write this little curse
I cannot be trusted with this non free verse

10 Poems in 20 Minutes (Day Twelve)

Day twelve? I must have miscounted.

10 Poems in 20 Minutes
Day 12

Poem 1:
Coercion breeds hatred and self-loathing
She didn’t ask
She told
I want to stand in the rain to wash myself off from this taint
This degradation of being told what to do

Poem 2:
One day, some day, I’ll be whole, fresh, and new
Shiny and sparkly
I’ll be glitter and trumpets
Smiles and eye crinkles and true
Not this sticky

Poem 3:
I ate lunch with fat people
Who were conscious about what they ate
Because I could see them
Not alone
They watched to see how much was left on the other’s plates
I’ve never felt small in comparison
And I hate that I felt good for being less fat
I left the extra piece of bacon on my plate

Poem 4:
Damn cut doesn’t heal on my inside middle finger
So I wash it
And dry it
And package it with Vaseline
The band-aid wraps around
I hold myself in that way
Plastic skin colored adhesive – bound up in blue boxes marked for healing
Only my skin doesn’t get me any extra padding

Poem 5:
Beige, my greyhound lounges all across the carpeted floor
I have to lunge to get past her
Each time I stop to make sure her ribs move
I wait an extra second to check
I don’t show the same nicety to homeless people on the street

Poem 6:
When I feel bad for laughing
Which is every time I smile
I wonder
How far have I fallen that I have to catch myself from smiling?
My teeth stay behind guarded lips behind a hand behind my hair

Poem 7:
I told myself I couldn’t sleep
So I read instead, and finished the book
The whole 334 pages
Hoping with each clock glance I’d be ready for sleep
I didn’t want to be awake today
So I made myself a cup of sleepy brain

Poem 8:
I was so civil at lunch that it accidentally carried over to the car ride home
Glum quietness forgotten with the rush of personal interaction
All it takes to make me happy

Poem 9:
My high letters have nothing to do with my mother
She brings me self-shame
It was my father
Who scared the word of God into me if I threw away any semblance of improvement
Building upon what he expected I did what I was told
And now I cry for not moving any blocks
All my alphabet squares rest on the ground spelling out wisps of misery
Enough shame to build a house on
Founded in caring

Poem 10:
Every once in a flicker
I see this semblance of high thought in this bulk sitting next to me
Hoping for a moment that he will think about being a good man
A good man for him