Poems from My Day (11-1-16)

if one more person says to me ‘you do you’ we’re murdering

I read Potrnoy’s Complaint
Until I got to the masturbation in liver
I didn’t want to force that on my eyes.
I saw enough when I thought exposure was cool.

I would love to be vulnerable and honest with you,
But I’ve made myself not share,
So now I can’t tell you what might be
What might show you who I am.
I can only keep talking at you,
Like my mother does,
Talk at you, not to you.

I had an argument with a roommate
About when you contact someone about scratching paint.
She said you always leave a note, or go tell them.
It was 3:30 a.m. her sister was drunk riding shotgun.
I was sober.
There were drunk guys milling around on the weekend before Halloween.
Your call at this point.

I start these things,
These relationships,
Or something.
I know can never work.
Because I want to be safe.
But I think I read that in a book somewhere.
What I really think is that,
I start what I can start,
And try,
So I can hope and dream
Like the teenage girl I never let myself be.

There’s a stapler my new roommate can’t get to work
I think it looks like a lobster.
It could be the rum & coke I’m drinking out of a solo cup goblet,
I told her to be nice to the stapler and it would be nice to her.
She told me to write down the stories I’m telling her,
Instead of trying to write whatever it is I’m trying to write.

I had to present to city council today.
Waiting for the updates,
The one non-councilman in the room.
I kept thinking the floor didn’t match the podium colors,
And that the city manager’s voice doesn’t match his personality.
I didn’t think my nervous heart could beat for so long.
For the five minutes I presented.

Here’s the mental path I censor,
Stop talking,
You’re talking too much,
No one cares.
They’re just humoring you,
They don’t care what you’re saying,
They’re going to use this against me,
I can’t do anything right.
I’ll never do anything right.
I’m going to be a failure.

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