Why do i have to be an adult?
Yesterday it was a frozen pizza, the crappy kind, with the thin crust
And the too thick pepperoni.
The day before it was finishing my Netflix movie.
I couldn’t think of something to get me through,
I didn’t have the –
If I get this done, I’ll be one step closer to,
If I just make it through this,
Only a few more hours until,
Then I can,
Then I will,
Then I’ll be able to.
But I got to the end just the same.
Regulars are only depressing in bars and Starbucks
I want to be a regular in a little café
Run by a mom and grandpa
Where they know what I want,
And what not to ask,
A family with food,
That’s what I want.
I wanted to share what happened, what I was feeling,
But I’m remembering those times,
Something I’ve said,
Something I spit, unguarded which has come back to say hello.
Oh, well, I remember you having this problem before,
Geez, you complain about this all the time,
Didn’t you say you didn’t like him anymore?
So I have to read, then re-read what I share,
Anything I say will be used against me later,
So I have to shut up now.
I have so much patience for anyone who isn’t him.
I will understand, sympathize, nod my head,
For anyone who hasn’t yelled at me,
Blamed me for no reason,
And taught me I was wrong,
For anyone else I’ll understand why they can’t eat pho,
Or enter a Vietnamese restaurant,
To him I thiink,
Be racist in front of someone who cares.
I wait for the snap.
I meet someone, they seem kind,
And calm, sweet, sharing, and generous.
I wait for them to get mad,
So I can see what they do when they’re unguarded,
Before I can let them in.
And no one’s made it so far.
I’ve never noticed that self-confidence gets you any farther.
So what if I don’t think I can do that,
It doesn’t mean I’m not good at my job,
Or I can’t drive in my lines.
It means I won’t brag,
And don’t make fuss.
Isn’t that what the world needs more?
Thoughts from my mother:
If we had gotten divorced I don’t think he would have gotten into college.
He’s saying sorry a lot more. He’s getting better.
He doesn’t yell as much anymore, and I got him to go the Y with me last week.
I’ll start texting the girls everyday to get in the habit, so when he goes off to school,
He’ll keep talking to me.