The One After Me

I will pass it onto another generation. My daughter will have an eating disorder in her teens, because of something I said. Then she contemplate suicide, and have to see a counselor, and I’ll be helpless. I was so close. She’ll be closer. Her avalanche is worse. Her building is taller. Her car won’t hesitate to swerve. Her knives a bit less scary. Her bathtub waters a bit safer. Her pill bottles on a lower shelf. I can’t do that to another human being. I can’t create something knowing the pain I’ll pass down. I can’t.
I can try. But it won’t do any good. I’ll have to watch all my mistakes go down a line, in order, knowing it’s my fault. I could have prevented it. I can’t. “Oh you could try.” He’ll say. “I’m sure it won’t be that bad.” What are the odds I’ll have a daughter stronger than me? I can’t create something to die. I don’t love me enough to duplicate what I’ve been through. I’ve seen it pass already, grandma, to mom, to me. I can stop it with me. That’s my choice. Not yours.

4 thoughts on “The One After Me

  1. Sylvia Nair

    All of have suffered through stuff- like it or not, it has shaped us. But not necessary that we will pass it on to our kids. They may turn out to be our polar opposites! As a kid, my mother never hugged me (or even touched me with affection)- I never knew that there is something called a hug. i remember it- but it has not stopped me from hugging my kids and showing them I love them. And their love enriches my life.

    Just a viewpoint, a different one from a different world. 🙂

  2. memadtwo

    It doesn’t always work that way; my daughters are both different from each other, and also different from me. As my mother’s influence faded for me. You are not your mother. Your child will not be you.

    1. MissSarahAnne

      I agree with this. Your daughter could walk to school one day and be hit by a bus. There are chances we take, but the rewards of having children far outweigh risks involved.


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