I Wrote 10 Poems in 20 Minutes (11:09)
I vote tomorrow
Not written on a paper and mailed in
But in person
One of the many.
I matter to someone who paid good money to put ads on tv.
I contribute to community.
I enter stats books.
Somewhere an excel sheet has my name next to a date
With my demographics.
And that makes me happy.
When she finally kills herself,
However she choose to do it
I’ll say finally.
I’ll spiral with self-hatred on what I could have done.
But I’ll get to be resigned.
That she’s once and for all done.
I practice sitting straight
So my back makes a perfect line
And I’m not curved forward with my head bent.
I see straight and tall
With myself below me.
All of me below my eyes
And my chin jutting out
So my body can be prideful
And I can retreat in my mind.
Today, it was supposed to be today.
I had it all to do it
I promised myself.
It was going to be today
I had planned it all out.
And I ruined it
Like I do everything.
I’m not the youngest anymore
Less pressure on me
I’ll hide over here again
And be quiet so I don’t say anything wrong.
But they seem so comfortable where I was before.
So graceful with all the right words to say.
They’ll forget about me so that’ll be ok too.
The night I broke down
My wheels stopped spinning
I cried in my mind
If there’s a psychic out there help me.
No one came.
So I cried out with all the words I knew how
To all the number with faces in my phone
But I hadn’t talked to them in too long.
I cried to myself again instead,
How could you let this happen?
And my family didn’t know the words I used
For I’d never used them before,
I had tried to say help.
I wanted her to be in a good mood
She would be fierce otherwise
So I dragged my laughter with hers
Forcing her to laugh with me for social compliance
Knowing that once she told me what was wrong
She’d laugh and be better
I could take the bags she held in her arms
So she could ease with my laughs.
The leaves crusted on the trees sound like rain in the dark wind
Outside my window
The birds try to get in the maroon shutter next to the pine tree where they live
Outside my house.
And I hear through walls all that goes on out there.
I’ll find some hobby that I enjoy
And do that in my spare time
That’ll be it
What will break though each day
Plow through with merging of memories
And get me to old age.
He asked us to describe our families so we could learn the new language he taught.
Each in turn
Told sisters and brother counts and tallies.
Then we asked him
Why don’t you have any kids.
And I saw it hurt him,
But we kept asking
A group of idiot teenagers,
About something so intimate.