Monthly Archives: October 2014

10 Poems in 20 Minutes (Day Eighty-Seven)

I Wrote 10 Poems in 20 Minutes
Day 87

Poem 1:
We hand out candy to these princesses and ghouls
In the cold wind weather.
We open our doors put a light on
And give chocolate.
Such kindness?
Polite,
We don’t speak to the parents,
Or say howya doin,
We give what we’re supposed to
To do like the others in the houses in the streets with the trees and
The candy.

Poem 2:
I stopped right then
In the middle of the hall
I knew I’d regret not doing something
I’d regret this moment right here
And I thought about the regret
And thought the better of it.
I knew I could live with the regret.
It’d been there before.
But shame I wasn’t so sure about.

Poem 3:
Crass
That line in my mind between
Well that’s normal
And how dare you.
And if I were with different people
In a different moment,
My line would curve
To take in some more of that
Out there.

Poem 4:
We buried in a tunnel of a snow fort
The first winter we spent in the brick block house
And out tunnels interwove
With castles and motes and icicles and dragons.
I was covered in snow.
In the good packing snow
And my pink winter coat I only remember in photographs.

Poem 5:
I asked him the same question
Twice on purpose
The same sign on the same side of the highway
To see if adults lied
And if they changed their minds
And it they’d forget they’d been asked.
He said something different that time.
So I was right, then, dad’s make mistakes.

Poem 6:
Quit talking to me.
I’m trying to do something.
It doesn’t involve you.
I answer you in one word.
I won’t make eye contact
I shy away.
These are my signs
Read please.

Poem 7:
She wondered why we don’t tell her things
After she berates us for whatever choice we’ve made
And says what we could have done better.
She says I want you to be able to talk to me
After foot listening to you
Sharing her opinion
And going with her way over yours.

Poem 8:
Wasn’t there
There was something I wanted to
Do, yes
For sure
I shouldn’t have this time now
I’m supposed to be doing that one
Thing instead
It was important
I think,
I should’ve already had it done
Whatever it was.

Poem 9:
Don’t compliment me.
How long is it you’ve known me.
And in all that time when was I happy about a compliment.
Oh you look so nice today.
Because most of the time
When someone tells me that
They’re lying to get something
Or looking for the return compliment.

Poem 10:
I have to get out of here
I have to get out
I must get out of here
But I have no plan.
Someone told me that once people
Who want to kill themselves make a plan
That’s when it’s more serious.
So I never made a plan back then.
Till it past.
Now it’s too late to make plans at all.
But I should start now, I know.

10 Poems in 20 Minutes (Day Eighty-Six)

It’s been a bad week when the prospect of fresh baked goods improves nothing.

I Wrote 10 Poems in 20 Minutes
Day 86

Poem 1:
Weary for the new and the old ways
Full of I don’t wannas
Sitting in the car at the stoplight
Must make up my mind to turn
One way or the other
Get the errands done
Or go back home where I was.

Poem 2:
A stick sat in my shoe
I didn’t know it
Till I pulled it out
And felt great relief from a pain I didn’t see.
I keep pulling threads of myself
Hoping that one will relieve
What I can’t feel is there.

Poem 3:
I look at the blanket
But don’t reach
I think,
I am cold
I could use a sweater
But it’s over there.
And I’m here
Contemplating the universe of
Me not having a jacket.
Oh how could the world let me get a chill.

Poem 4:
We have each our separate square
Connected in the middle
With a couch and kitchen island.
When we hear another
Chatting in the main
We emerge
To say hello
I live
To those creatures outside the door.

Poem 5:
I’d like to commune with nature
Light candles
Sing dances
Be pagan and glorious.
But even if I was in the field
Someone would see.
Or they’d record.
And I’ll do it to do it.
But I won’t do it to be seen.

Poem 6:
He says, look I’ve brought you the moon
And here, here are the stars.
Just liked you asked
I did all I was supposed to do.
But why can’t,
Why won’t,
Love me.
Say it to me,
Even if you don’t mean it.
Look at all I did for you,
I bought it,
Give me what I’m due.

Poem 7:
He waved me passed him on the stairs
Well come on.
I didn’t want to go past,
I wanted to go clear.
I won’t be waved on
I don’t listen to commands.
Don’t you dare tell me what to do.
And the hatred roared up again,
For something so simple.
And I repeated my mantra,
Not a saying but a feeling of a thought
Once I leave here I’ll never return
They won’t have me again.
Not stuck in this pass.

Poem 8:
She woke me up
You have to get up,
Be there at eight.
Right now.
It’s 7:45.
I told her calm as I could.
Unfiltered in the morning.
Please don’t yell at me.

Poem 9:
I tried to tell her the story that made me so upset
And she didn’t get it.
And if I explained she wouldn’t get it herself
Incomprehensible.
A little more alone for her not getting it.
And a little less justified.

Poem 10:
I know I need to
But I can’t get myself to choose an option
Too many options
All fog
And I see the distance of each one
And I can’t move
Because all the blame lies with me.
And I huddle up and cry a bit more.
Someone take me out of here.
I’m no good on my own.
Pick something for me.

The Yellow Leaves of Fall

photo of yellow leaves

see? yellow.

photo of saplings in fall

more yellow

photo of yellow leaves against the sky

an unexpected surprise. yellow leaves. crisp.

photo of maple leaves in fall

little brown dots on my yellow leaves

10 Poems in 20 Minutes (Day Eighty-Five)

I Wrote 10 Poems in 20 Minutes (5:45)
Day 85

Poem 1:
I rehearse lines of thought of what I said
So when it comes up again I’m ready
So I can say there was a way out of it
So I can look better to my backwards mind.
And put the thoughts in a drawer away from who needs to start the water for pasta.

Poem 2:
I can tell you all about me
Quirks, habits, peculiarities of character and temperament
But you’ll still come to hate me later.
You can be the nicest in all the world
But I’ll hate you for it, give me time.
I can warn you,
Say you won’t, can’t hold me,
Say I barely straw the strands of myself,
But it won’t matter,
If you think you can help.

Poem 3:
Goodbye push buttons to dial.
A satisfying click for each number
Not accidentally pressed against a cheek
I suppose you’re still there for calculators
And cash registers, but not on my phone
My great link to people.

Poem 4:
I’d do it I think
I’ve been in this hell hole long enough
I’d just leave
Ask for a ride to the airport
Find someone who’d take me
And bolt.
Dash for good.
This must be what parents who leave their kids feel like,
They’ll be better without me here, and
Anyway, I don’t deserve this.

Poem 5:
She asked, did you draw that?
It was a printed photograph I planned to paint.
No.
Oh.
She had planned such nice bits to say
That would finally break through
And get to cheer me up because I had so much talent
And so much to do, and she wanted me gone.
But, oh, instead.
She pried on my desk and dished out the usual
I didn’t mean to insult you.
You shouldn’t be offended if I didn’t mean to hurt you.
The last time she saw me drawing, she said,
Wow.
You’re better than I thought you were.

Poem 6:
The dentist said I’m going to numb you
And pulled out a needle for an elephant
Instinct bunched me up
And it hurt
To get to numb through endless pain
It’s why depressed people have a smudge of dead behind the eyes.

Poem 7:
She never stood out pretty
But took time with her hair
And had a special way to lay her bangs
That someone really liked
This guy she married,
Who loved someone before
But decided he liked her family better

Poem 8:
I couldn’t tell then
If she took this guy to prom out of pity
Well, he took her, she was younger
He had a cleft palette and was three inches shorter
But she gave him attention.
They had jokes that were theirs
And she wore a blue gown that showed her no hips
But she took a better looking boy the next year
And she would smile if I asked
Are you a thing?

Poem 9:
I saw all the sides of religion too early
So I can spot them from a distance.
And believe a little less
When people profess, oh how they love a god.

Poem 10:
If someone made me live a plan
Saying you do this next
In accordance
Then maybe I’d make up my mind
And do what I’m supposed to.
But they haven’t appeared to strangle me,
And I’m directionless without opposition.

10 Poems in 20 Minutes (Day Eighty-Four)

I Wrote 10 Poems in 20 Minutes
Day 84

Poem 1:
That whole year was cold
Every memory thought of for back then
I’m always shaking.
You said the heat cost too much anyway
And wouldn’t put it past seventy-two
But in my big room
The one with my bed
I shivered.

Poem 2:
She makes up little things to be wrong
If there’s nothing off.
She stayed in an apartment with beautiful carpets
Crown dusted edges and a fireplace.
But she afforded it with rent.
She said, well your neighbors must be awful.

Poem 3:
In the hopes he’ll be there
I walk a different way
And skirt another path
And look around.
But I can’t look like I’m looking around,
Or he’ll see me, look like I’m looking for him.
And he can’t know I hope to see him.

Poem 4:
We wanted the praise
The both of us
So we bartered and disparaged the other
I’m better.
So I get the attention,
More tennis balls served in my court
Shading for an ounce of un-fairness.
So we could see who he favored.
Who would iwn.

Poem 5:
He forgot to call me on the right day.
The time he should have.
But I said, oh it’s no problem
And when I did the same to him.
He huffed up his chest
Saying well I guess you don’t care.

Poem 6:
I would like friends who sing to me with tea cups rattling
Of whimsy, wit and wile
So they dragged me along with their mood
And wore silly hats
On purpose, there’s nothing strange here
Only what you see as odd.

Poem 7:
I finished it
And it looked awful and childish
Unkempt and askew
I should never have tried
Should have let it go
Now it has my name on it
And they’ll know
How unorganized and feckless I am.
There’s nothing to do with this heap now.

Poem 8:
It’s almost November
I didn’t want to be here this long.
It can’t already be November.
It shouldn’t be cold yet.
But by Halloween it’s freezing.

Poem 9:
Hold my arms.
Find my sense.
Make some art.
And let me be.

Poem 10:
Another day of you shouldn’t be here
And why haven’t you left yet
And we put all that money into your education
What have you done with it
And if you’d just listened
And I could get you working
And what is it you do all day glances.