Fifty-two is my lucky number. A good number. Very solid.
I Wrote 10 Poems in 20 Minutes
I picked up the last of the roses
Pink, by the side of the house
He asked why did I pick that, kill that
It will be the last one of the season
I wanted to look at it
Not leave it on the side
Why can’t, you know, you just do it?
I had no answer for him.
My lack of words scared me more than his fury did.
Today, I will speak in short sentences.
I will not be reproached.
I will be polite.
I will speak when necessary.
I will say no more.
Once I start speaking, it all comes pouring out
And they use that against me
As proof of all I do wrong.
So, today, for now, I speak shortly.
See how perfect I am now
Without my own thoughts.
At the post office, standing in front of the scale.
I ask the guy, how much to get it there tomorrow.
Because his birthday is Sunday.
He says it’ll be 16.55.
Just give me the stamp.
But now, on Sunday. I’ll get the call.
Oh, I feel so loved. Both my daughters sent me birthday cards
They are so lovely.
Your card will be there Monday, Dad, I’m sorry.
Oh that, ok, it’s so nice to feel loved.
I sit cross legged, on my bed
And fold myself down with my elbows in.
I am as small as possible.
I pose no threat.
Please, memories, let me be.
I want to become a great pianist
So I can say, I can do something,
Then show it
But I can’t get myself to practice
And the notes get switched in my mind
So the fingers don’t work properly
Most complicated playing I can manage
Still has numbers over the fingers and a dotted half empty page
These hands are so small, they can’t do.
No, no, sweetheart, it’s your brain that doesn’t work.
I hadn’t seen her all day
She picked me up from after care
I told her I got my report card for the nine weeks
How’d you do?
All A’s and a B
Oh good job.
She still hadn’t looked me in the eye.
What happened in the class with the B?
But she was driving
I did what I was supposed to
Why haven’t my magic beans appeared?
I graduated High School and College
I did what you told me.
But I can’t get me to apply for work.
I can’t justify it in my mind. And and I just get stuck
And flex my fingers.
Your pushing just clams me up.
“So you’re not doing anything?”
It’s always her voice in my head.
We had to split into groups
And make a song with lyrics
Indecipherable and boring
Why was I in a dress?
Oh god don’t film this for the other class
But the peers clapped.
My friend said, I’m sure
It was grammatically perfect.
He told me
I think all girls are pretty
Even Sarah and you.
That’s just stupid and undiscerning
Take a stand man
Tell me I’m ugly
Tell me back then
It won’t be the first time.