This marks day eleven of writing ten poems in twenty minutes. What have I started?
10 Poems in 20 Minutes
She says she wants me to be happy,
Lets talk about happy things,
C’mon think happy thoughts.
We have to be happy.
She’ll make us happy.
How do I get him to talk to me
Justify my liking him
Maybe he just avoids me on purpose
But he talks back if I speak
He doesn’t start anything
How do I make him care
I wish I’d figured this out in middle school.
I loathe to sit next to him
No eye contact
Gazing makes me remember he’s human
And I want to go on hating the monster who’s eating my spaghetti
When we were little –
That was the excuse
– because we were so young
She tried to rile me up and make me angry
To see how hard she had to push to get me upset and cuss
Then she’d go tell Mom that I said a bad word
With grim heartfelt satisfaction
Shame in my anger
Shame in my reactions
He was very upset his big hulking bumbling idiot son cried
This does not make sense
The big bulking wobbling idiot son only cries when he doesn’t know how to use emotions
Because you taught him none
When I listen to “landslide” sometimes that calms me down
But then I use it too many times
So that it runs out of charge
And I feel the same emotion at the end of the song as I did at the start
Instead of feeling serenity like I wanted
I used it up
That magic melody mojo
Now I have to fend for myself, to rest my heartbeat, and avoid anger
And keep searching for a song with unlimited battery life
In the slot between the screen door and the oak
The same feeling as when I got accepted to college
I didn’t want the fawning parental pride
I wanted to feel proud instead of guilty
I collect them for my slideshow
Little boxed memories of something I did wrong or silly or stupid or mistakenly or badly or embarrassing moments I caught on mind tape that I get to play again after this new one finishes.
Then I click the left hand mouse and go to the next page, complete with dates and times and what I want to forget but keep dredging up so that I can review my past failures and makes sure I don’t
miss anything that I might’ve learned so this wouldn’t ever happen again. click.
I mark down the page on a notepad which reads volunteers plant the seeds of kindness
Write down the moment the characters finally fall in love or realize their love or share a smile
I chart for easy access to relive those best bits
Those bits I can’t have
A woman outside the house unaware of eavesdroppers tells the other phone that her son
Got picked up for methamphetamine charges.
She said the whole word.
Like the other woman wouldn’t know enough about drugs
They’re not used to negligent use.